Sugar Ray Smitty Vs. Necrophilia Nate: The Tale Of The Tape
So how did we get to this point, you ask? Gather around by the fire, children. Allow me to me tell you the tale of how a Gremlin came out from under his bridge, get blacked out off of 3-4 Shirley Temples, and chastised his co-worker for no reason in front of the brand new CEO and the world.
Well, that’s about the entire story. Nate came at me one enchanted evening over Twitter and Periscope from his lair and attempted to maliciously put my job in jeopardy. The attacks continued a few weeks later and ultimately culminated with Pres getting involved in the entire shitshow – Which forced myself to declare towards Eric Nathan that I will have my revenge, in this life or the next.
And folks, this is how you get paypack. Everyone has a plan, or in this case a Twitter dick, till they get punched in the mouth. Just the opportunity to knock this mythical creature back to Narnia will be good enough for my revenge. Granted, the only way to convince him to do this is I have to fight from my knees, which puts me at a HUGE disadvantage. Originally I offered him from my knees or one-arm behind my back and he said he won’t do it unless I did BOTH. Like, really? You want to blindfold me, too, ya little piss? But that’s fine. I’ll Lieutenant Dan myself and do the damn thing without any legs.
But here’s the important part – if you want to see this go down you NEED to Download the app and SMASH THE SHIT out of the Like/RT buttons for our video on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. As you can see, every blogger is releasing an original vid for the Barstool app (as you saw Kmarko and KFC get out-acted by soft-core porn alternates in their effort, yesterday). We have a little competition in the office to see who will get the most Downloads/Social Media Output from each of our efforts. If it’s myself and the Gremlin, we fight. If not, we won’t.
I Repeat: THIS FIGHT WILL NOT GO DOWN UNLESS WE COME OUT ON TOP IN THIS COMPETITION. Of course I’d still be game, but little ol’ Nathan had to be coerced into this from the beginning. Plus he’s a certified puss. He wouldn’t do the scary clown video with Trent and I because he was scared to be stabbed (as Dink The Clown). He wouldn’t agree to continue the Razzie-award winning Nate At Night if he was forced to wear the notable Nate Mask for the entire episode. There’s zero chance he goes through with this unless we get the most Likes/RT on social media.
So if you want to see the fight of the century go down, you know what to do. If not, then I have to buy more time for my revenge in some other way (if I don’t get fired again, first, which is always an angry blog towards the bald co-worker away). DO IT:
Also, muchas gracias to our lovely @SophieJulia, Model Gina @Gingersnaper, and the great boxing gym @OverthrownNewYork for their services.
UPDATE: The more things change, the more they stay the same.